A Standard of Excellence
Winning matters, but it is not the whole story. A useful standard asks athletes to improve the quality of their wrestling whether the scoreboard goes their way or not.
More than winning
Picture two wrestlers coming off the mat. The first won by waiting for the other kid to make a mistake. The second lost after finally taking the shot they have been working on for three weeks.
It is tempting to make this simple: the winner played it safe, the loser took a chance, so the loser learned more. We do not know that yet. Waiting can be good wrestling. Maybe the first kid stayed in position, pressured the opponent, and recognized an opening. Maybe the second kid took a desperate shot from too far away. A coach has to look at the decisions that led to the result.
Suppose the first wrestler had chances to attack but kept passing them up. In practice, they can get to a leg. In a match, they are worried about getting underneath somebody and giving up points. So they stay just far enough away to avoid much happening. Late in the match, the opponent reaches, and they score behind them. They win.
There is something worth recognizing: the wrestler stayed alert and finished when the chance came. But the problem that kept them from attacking is still there. If the whole conversation stops at the win, they may leave believing that avoiding the position was the right choice. Next weekend, against someone who does not hand them that opening, they have the same problem.
That conversation does not have to spoil the win. Ask what they saw when they had the chance to shoot. Were they waiting for a better setup? Did they think they could not finish? Were they afraid of getting scored on? Let them answer before deciding what the match says about their effort. Then give them something to work on, such as creating an opening with their hands and committing when it appears.
Now look at the second wrestler. Suppose they used the setup they practiced, got to the leg, and then lost position on the finish. The opponent countered and scored. The kid walks off feeling as if taking the shot was a mistake. They tried what the coach wanted, and it cost them.
Be clear about what was worth keeping: they recognized the opening and committed to it. Then deal with the finish. Perhaps their head dropped or they stopped moving their feet. Find the actual breakdown instead of telling them the whole attempt was wrong.
Both kids need coaching. Both should hear an honest account of their match. A standard of excellence asks us to keep attention on the quality of their wrestling, even when a win makes it easy to overlook a problem or a loss makes it hard to see improvement.
Jordan Burroughs describes a similar idea in episode 500 of The Bader Show: families can live by a standard of effort and preparation rather than using their children’s results to prove something about themselves. That does not lower expectations. It asks us to be more careful about what we are expecting.
What are we asking for in practice?
A standard of excellence sounds good. A wrestler still needs to know what it means during a Tuesday practice.
Take a stand-up drill. If a kid gets to their feet and then stops, they have practiced part of an escape. Let that happen for twenty repetitions and we are teaching them to stop there. Have them finish the movement, clear the hands, and get away. If they do not know how, slow it down and teach it. Once they understand, expect them to do it.
The partner has a job too. Going limp does not help, and neither does turning a learning drill into a match. Give the resistance the coach asked for. Make your partner work through the position without making the drill impossible.
These are small things, but they are things we can actually hold kids accountable for: paying attention when a move is shown, trying the correction on the next rep, and staying involved when it is somebody else’s turn. A room gets better when those habits become normal, including for the best wrestler in it.
We should also look at our own instruction. If half the room keeps making the same mistake, yelling the same explanation louder probably is not going to fix it. Show it another way. Break the movement down. Check whether they understood what you wanted before deciding they did not care.
What happens after a loss?
It is easy to talk about learning from a loss before the tournament. It is harder when your kid walks off the mat upset and you are frustrated yourself.
Give them a little time. They do not need an immediate explanation of every mistake, and they do not need to manage your disappointment along with their own. Being upset about losing is understandable. We can help them settle down without pretending the match did not matter.
Later, pick something specific. If they got flattened on bottom and stayed there, work on rebuilding a base. If they reached for a leg without setting it up, go back to the setup. If they quit making attempts after the first one failed, talk about that and give them another chance to work through it in practice.
Those are different problems. Calling all of them a lack of toughness does not give the wrestler much to use. Confidence becomes believable through preparation and experiences they can draw on under pressure. A nervous kid has more to work with when we can point to something they have practiced successfully.
The adults in the room
If we want wrestlers to stay composed, our behavior has to help. Spending the ride home blaming the referee teaches a lesson, even if it is not the lesson we intended. There may have been a bad call. There may also have been thirty seconds of wrestling afterward that the kid needed to stay focused on.
High expectations need judgment behind them. Kids can learn to work hard without being treated like adult professionals. They need food, rest, and time away from wrestling. Training through an injury, cutting weight unsafely, or adding punishment because someone lost does not become good coaching just because we call it commitment.
For the next practice, choose one thing you want done better. Make it specific enough that a wrestler can show you: finish the escape, use the setup, or apply the correction. Teach it, give them time to work on it, and follow through when the effort gets sloppy. That is a standard they can understand. Keep asking for it after the next tournament, whether they come back with a medal or not.